Yesterday I went to young adults and Ryan said some really amazing things that really shook me. About how we make plans for our lives (well, in my case no plan at all but it still applies) and we don’t involve God. I was thinking about my live and how I really didn’t have a plan but, I had hopes and dreams and how I had to give them all up at least for a while. It was so hard to do that with the right attitude and no to be selfish. I became and still am so unhappy that I didn’t even think to consider that maybe this was God’s plan for me that He was and is trying to teach me something through all this. And I’m not really sure what that is. I can only think that it’s trust. I’ve had issues with trust for a long time, with my dad, and friends, and just life and this is just another thing. There is a song we sing in church that talks about giving God all our hope and all our dreams and it was so hard for me to accept that. That my dreams are not mine. They are His. Another thing is that since this all has happened I am not who I am anymore. I could see myself turning into someone I hated. I wasn’t as happy, and bouncy, and I wasn’t thriving with the love of life I had once possessed. I realized or at least I think I need to stop trying and grasping for who I was and embrace the person that God wants me to be. And I think that I will still retain who I used to be. Especially hope. Through everything I have always had that in me.